Well I suppose I have been having a few unmixed blessings but my health has given me cause for concern.
Not the sort of concern that makes one stop breathing with anxiety but the sort of concern that makes one stop and think about quality of life, lifestyle and the Future. And other words that begin with F like Frailty and Failure.
I look after myself – take all the correct supplements, I think, get to the doctor when I am sick enough, try to eat properly and console myself that I will excercise regularly starting this week! Yet I was cursed with an unpleasant flu and ongoing sinusitis with a bit of lethargy and struggle to maintain a sense of wellbeing at the start of the holiday… Somehow I felt that I had Failed to manage my family to exist in perfect harmony all the time. I confronted my Frailty and aches and pains and decided that at 64 I can choose to sign off a bit and take less responsibility and that the Future would come good on the basis of having brought up my children as well as I could.
So with equilibrium restored I headed for the Transkei and nostalgia and reunion with some important memories from the past. Harmony was restored by the peace and good care we all got at The Haven as well as getting more used to each other again, and thoughts of the Future, Frailty and Failure went into the bin of things we won’t think about for bit…
However my Frailty finally forced me to look into the Future and decide on some changes. I collected a cellulitis in my right leg. It must have developed slowly and insidiously from a small nick in the forest at The Haven. I felt my skin go numb, and felt little flutterings under my skin and thought it was to do with medicine I am taking to clear up my rosacea. How frail is that, at my age to want a clear skin! Anyway it cost lots of money to get the medicine and be sure the pain in the leg wasn’t a DVT. But as if that wasn’t enough it has started again… so thanks to the Australian public halth system I have again seen a doctor and have more antibiotics as well as medicine for a dreadful dose of candida – all enough to focus my mind on the Future. I have been wishing we could go back to South Africa where I could do something to make a difference again. I have rested and learnt some new skills and could do some something useful But the thought of getting fatigued to the point I was at before we went on holiday and then my frailty leading to a health Failure and then not being able to pay for the care – what if I had lost my leg to a galloping infection? I know that suggests too much House but that is part of my Frailty!
So the Future is going to hold more rest, more harmony less Fatigue and no more windmills to tilt at… the young people can do that. Only reasonable deadlines and rest when the time comes… Even Alan the most robust of men is exhausted by the travel caper! So maybe all this talk about the F factor is jet lag.. whatever it is i have to look after myself better.